please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
