did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
