I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
