Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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