Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize