so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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