Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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