his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
