He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
