she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
