I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
