my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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