It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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