dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
