No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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