just tell him i said nine months
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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