Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
