Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
