He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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