Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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