omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
