i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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