his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
