If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
