i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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