I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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