I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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