She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
