He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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