We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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