just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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