How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
