I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
