I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
