I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
