Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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