Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
