do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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