I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
