Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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