you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
