I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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