Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
