his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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