definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize