Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
