moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
