It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize