if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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