Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
