She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
