is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
