I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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