Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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