on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
