who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
