Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
