I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
