If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Randomize
