Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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