sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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