so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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