I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize