I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
