3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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