I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
