I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
