We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
