I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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