I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The air taste purple.
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