she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Randomize
